That professional training that I experienced in Brattleboro two weeks ago was a powerful learning experience. It has inspired my last four posts, and also this one.
Carl Rogers was a psychologist and a great counselor, I think. I didn't know him personally. I can personally attest that he was a great theorist of counseling.
My reason for wanting to become a professional counselor was that thanks to my practice of awareness of reality, I had reached a deeper understanding of my own psychological reality- the only psychological reality that a human being can know- than formerly. In other words, I had grown, and I had developed a faith founded on actual experience, that reality can be completely acceptable to me. Please don't misunderstand this. I am not God, nor am I as indifferent as a stone. Of course I have a reaction and a response to reality as experienced by me. I don't mean by "accept" that I am indifferent, or that I am going to just sit by, perhaps in full lotus, practicing non-attachment, while the world in general and my individual life in particular, goes to hell. No, I am attached to reality. I am both a fighter and a lover. Acceptance of reality also means acceptance of the reality of my own needs, and of my responsibility to get them met. By acceptance, I mean openness to that which is. If you haven't artificially removed yourself from your obligation to respond by tying your legs into a pretzel and committing yourself to immobility, you will respond automatically. If you are accepting of reality at that moment, you will also respond consciously.
I felt that I had something very valuable to offer in counseling, namely, my example of acceptance of reality. Rogers' understanding of counseling is congruent- he may have invented that very expressive term- with this kind of motivation for providing counseling service.
Counseling, for a professional, is a job, a professional service to be provided according to ethical standards. It is important work, justifying and demanding good or even the best effort on the part of the counselor. I have a little saying about my work, uttered jokingly, but it really is no joke: "nothing but the best." Counseling demands nothing less than my best. It is that important. Obviously, to have such a profession is a great blessing.
As Rogers pointed out in his later work, counseling, done well, requires real presence on the part of the counselor. Presence is contagious. If one person, either one, is truly present in a relationship between two people, both are likely to become present. and if one remains present, both are likely to remain present.
Actually, the responsibility of counseling within our present mental illness system, while on the one hand it calls the counselor to be present in the counseling relationship, also creates an obstacle to remaining present in the relationship. Because the client is assumed, in general, to have something wrong with them, some sort of "mental disorder," if not actually full-fledged illness, the counselor feels an added responsibility not to injure the client, and perhaps even to direct and lead the client like a child. The client is assumed to be more vulnerable than the counselor. This is a preconception that ethics demand us to maintain, and it interferes with remaining present. Also, in this mental illness system, the counseling or therapy relationship exists to assist in meeting the emotional needs of the client. The counselor's emotional needs must be subordinated. This also tends to draw the counselor away from full presence.
In a true mental health system the assumption that the client is more vulnerable than the counselor would be eliminated. The counselor would be able to descend from the pinnacle or pedestal of responsibility to protect, nurture and "baby" the client and could just counsel, as if counseling a king. In counseling a king, one would be aware of one's own vulnerability. One would have strong incentives and inclinations to be present in that relationship, not only to protect the king, and thereby the realm, but also to protect one's own head. It would be dangerous to counsel a king. "Termination" might have a whole different dimension than at present.
What I learned in Brattleboro was that Rogers' core principles are not merely a guide for my professional practice. Rogers articulated the principles of human relationship, the way it ought to be. It is actually easier to remain present in my non-professional relationships, in which I am responsible to be aware of my own emotional needs and am entirely free and responsible to seek emotional satisfaction in my relationships. In counseling, within the mental illness system, there are strict ethical limitations on that freedom. Remaining present in a professional counseling relationship is hard work, for that reason. It is really much easier in my other relationships, where there is everything in it for me personally, all the satisfaction to be potentially gained from loving, genuine, more or less intimate relationships with our own kind.
The real independent variable is presence. Rogers, as far as I know, did not address presence independent of relationships. We are not always in relation with others, except spiritually. There is not a specific need for presence in a spiritual relationship.
When I am alone, Robinson Crusoe for the moment, where is my attention? Often it is on my thinking, because I like to think. That is why writing is a good thing for me to do. Sometimes it is on my feelings, sometimes on my behavior or on my sensory perceptions.
When I am alone, I have the option of practicing awareness of reality. One has to learn about this option, how to exercise it and why one would want to. It is an invaluable help to me in coping with my life when alone. It is a good response to emotional or even physical pain, including the pain of loneliness. Human relationship can cure that pain, but only if it meets the core conditions, including presence on my part. In any case, when I am alone, I am not in relationship at the moment, even though I may be next moment. In practicing awareness of reality I am getting myself in good shape to be present in my relationships. If I am simply indulging in my thought and my feelings, I am tending toward laziness, and presence is active. I think that there is a value for me in active thinking, such as I write about. That is a focus of my attention that is acceptable to me. Idle thinking, or letting my mind wander, isn't so good. It tends to be a waste of energy, and my state of consciousness deteriorates.
Sometimes, when one is alone, one wishes to become active as a distraction from unpleasant thoughts and feelings. Awareness of reality is an at-traction, to reality. My thoughts are partial. In awareness I am on intimate terms with my present reality as a whole, impartial and simultaneous. I am truly accepting my present, when I am aware. I am opening my present. I don't know what's inside. The present is unknown. The Uncertainty Principle is experienced, in awareness. I wake up. I haven't seen this moment before.
The practice of awareness of reality is an activity. It is incompatible with laziness because it is an optional activity. With rare exceptions, such as a car accident or maybe an L.S.D. trip, conditions of life do not force us into awareness. We have to make the effort by our own free will, and in that moment, we are not lazy.
The presence of which Rogers speaks is not the full presence of awareness. It is what Mr. Nyland used to call alertness. Alertness is a necessary, but not sufficient condition for awareness. It is also a necessary, but not sufficient condition for completely satisfying relationships with our fellow human beings.
We must be on intimate terms with our own reality in order to be truly intimate with others. There is no substitute for awareness. We must learn to practice this when we are alone and when we are in relationship. It is the only way to paradise.
Some Christians believe that faith in Jesus Christ as our savior is the only way to paradise. This is awfully passive. Jesus is supposed to do it all for me. I am just supposed to wait for pie in the sky by and by.
I think that Jesus told us the truth about this in his parable about the talent. It was given to be used and invested. Burying it and waiting for paradise is not recommended in that parable, if you happen to be familiar with it. In fact, Jesus states plainly that this strategy is the direct road to "outer darkness."
In my personal imagination, even the most oblivious of us sinners will see the error of burying our talent at the very last moment and repent wholeheartedly, returning at the end like the prodigal son. But as Cat Stevens said, "you'll find out what's in store. So why not take a look now?" Get yours now with ice cream on top.
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