Dexterity

     The practice of awareness of reality is the process of learning a certain dexterity, dexterity in experiencing awareness of reality. Awareness of reality is an experience of consciousness that is characterized by simultaneity- that is, it is now, it is present- and impartiality, which means that it is whole, not partial.

     Simultaneity is an elusive quality, but it can be understood and experienced relatively easily, and when you experience it, you know it. Our thought is storytelling. If we are telling stories about our experience in the present moment, of course we are always a little behind. This is the quality of our thought that this criterion of simultaneity highlights. We want to experience an awareness that is not thinking. Why? Because our thinking is not good enough. That is not to say that it is no good, but our thinking does not touch reality. The motivation that drives this practice is that one feels, sometimes to the marrow of one's bones, that one has not been responding appropriately to reality. My conscience reproaches me, and I know it is right. I wish with all my heart to live in peace with my conscience. But how? I must live in awareness of reality. Living in stupidity, I continue to make stupid mistakes. In unconsciousness, that can never end.

     Awareness of reality must be present. Only then, can this practice fulfill its promise. This practice can and does give me hope. It keeps my faith and love alive. It has given me great insight. But life is real only then, when I am present. Of course it is theoretically real at all times. The question is whether I experience my reality, whole and present. I can only count on responding appropriately to reality if I am aware of reality.

     If it isn't simultaneous, it isn't awareness, it's thinking. Thinking is good, but not good enough for God's kingdom to ever come on my Earth.

     Mr. Nyland said that impartiality is easier to understand than simultaneity. I think that it is easier to understand simultaneity. Impartiality suggests that we must be aware of the whole of reality, simultaneously.  That kind of consciousness can be imagined as an attribute of God, but it is really impossible for me to imagine it for myself. Yet it is obviously necessary for awareness of reality to be not partial. Partial awareness is what I have already. It is good, but not good enough. I don't require impartial awareness of the whole universe, like God, but I require impartial awareness of MY whole universe. Actually, I don't require even that, but I do require that when my awareness of reality exists, when I am actually present, that my awareness should have the quality of impartiality. It means that my consciousness regards my present with utter openness, an openness that can receive anything that could possibly exist in my universe with the same unconditional positive regard. Mr. Nyland used to say, "no liking or disliking." It doesn't go far enough. Impartiality means that my consciousness, at that moment, is aware of my present as God would view any aspect, any time or place, any person, even me, of His universe.

     The practice of awareness of reality is the development of dexterity in experiencing impartial, simultaneous awareness of reality. The dexterity is what we lack, in the beginning. After 40 years, like a rather delayed child learning to walk, I have progressed. I can actually stand and even take a few shaky steps. It is a great accomplishment, but relative to actually living in awareness of reality, it's not much use as yet. My dexterity needs to develop further before I can eat that pie with ice cream on top, the satisfaction in life that is obviously accessible if one could live in awareness of reality. A little awareness now and then is not yet of that much practical use.

     I have held out for the development of this dexterity. I have not devoted myself to seeking satisfaction wholeheartedly or scientifically. I have not tried with all my intelligence to avoid pain. I have seen the need to develop this dexterity. It was smart of me, regardless of who calls me a fool, including myself. I am not a fool for realizing my foolishness and realizing that, first of all, my consciousness must be corrected. That is the right way. This is what Mr. Nyland taught.

     But it must be present. Presence has a meaning for me now that this word could not have had 40 years ago. All my efforts are associated with this word, the sum total of my real dexterity. When I was informed, a month ago, that in addition to the three core qualities articulated by Carl Rogers with which I have been familiar for years, and which have guided my counseling practice, he had also articulated a fourth, presence, it was a revelation. Obviously Rogers was quite right to add presence. Presence is instantaneous and also something that I do. That is really the same as saying that it is a dexterity.

     I have been in certain habits regarding the practice of awareness of reality. We all are creatures of habit. It is like a child learning to walk is in the habit of crawling. How do you go from a habit of crawling to walking?

     For me, presence is the key. I think it will unlock the Secret Garden.

     In presence I leave crawling behind. I mean by crawling, thinking. I still think, of course, but when I am present, I am not immersed in thought. Life is real then, when I am present. Other people are real, my feelings are real.

     I have an anxiety in entering this new world of presence. Is it impartial? Because impartiality is my God. In presence, I have no time to assure myself that my awareness is impartial. I don't stop to think. In presence, I trust my dexterity.

     I do not trust myself. In God, I trust. According to the Uncertainty Principle, you can never be sure what the present holds, until you open it. Is God inside? Did I really get God for Christmas? It was promised, but until I am present, it must remain uncertain.

     The question is, is it sustainable. I think it is sustainable. It feels sustainable. I have to walk. A friend of mine used the phrase, "to walk your talk," a few years ago. It is a little variant on the popular saying about walking the walk versus talking the talk. It was always a little irritating to me. Talking is an expression of thought. Walking occurs in reality, as does talking. Walking is one thing, talking is another. My walking doesn't have to conform to my thoughts or to my speech. But if I want to tell you about how I walk, I had best be aware of reality, if I want to speak the truth.

     Now I am present, and now I remain present, and is it sustainable? My thinking is crawling, and I am back on my knees, and maybe I want to crawl for awhile, because I am in the habit, but now I am back on my feet. It is something I can do now, to walk, to remain present. I can do it. I return to crawling. I ask myself, is this walking O.K.? Is it really impartial, am I forgetting my God, the love and hope that has sustained me on this long crawl through the Valley of Death? So I return to my thinking, but now I stand again. Presence shows me that I can do it now. You know how it is with children. Once they learn to walk, they don't crawl much anymore. Walking is better.

     Presence is not merely alertness or mindfulness, not for me, because I have developed dexterity in awareness of reality. Without that dexterity, presence must mean alertness or mindfulness. If you have not that dexterity, practicing alertness or mindfulness will not necessarily take you in the right direction, and it will definitely not keep you in the right direction.

     Presence reminds me that I can walk. I don't need to worry about being motivated. My pain motivates me. But walking is a pleasure. I really don't need to keep my pain anymore. I have not wished to lose my pain until I learned to live in awareness of reality. I have known that this was the right way:

     "The good man, in his dim strivings, remains indeed conscious of the right way."

     And so God pardoned even Faust, who was so foolish as to sell his soul to the devil, in his eagerness to grab for pie with ice cream on top. But I wish to walk in consciousness of the right way, as a human being should walk. I will be present, in all things, in writing, in relationships, alone and with others. It is for me to do. God does not walk for me, but God made me to walk, and I know that He rejoices, I know that my mother and father, my beloved, all those with whom my love goes forever rejoice to see me present in awareness of reality. The spiritual world can see it. As for my fellow beings here on Earth, I must be present in my communication. "All flesh shall see it together." That is impartiality, present in the flesh.

     Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a new dawn, present for us all.